Domestic Violence 

Domestic Violence refers to the use of physical or emotional force or threat of physical force in close adult relationships. This includes violence perpetrated by a spouse, partner, son or daughter or any other person who has a close or blood relationship with the victim. The term domestic violence goes beyond actual physical violence. It can also involve emotional abuse, the destruction of property, isolation from friends, family and other potential sources of support, threats to others including children, stalking, and control over access to money, personal items, food, transportation and the telephone.

 

(Source – Report of the Task Force on Violence Against Women, 1997) 
 

 

Power and control are at the heart of family violence, which the batterer wants to gain by using acts of violence and behaving in a certain way. 

 

Such behaviour includes: 

Intimidation: Breaking things, abusing pets, destroying victim’s property, displaying weapons, punching walls, using physical size to intimidate. 

Threats: Making and/or carrying out threats to harm the victim, telling the victim they have no choice, threatening to disconnect the phone, withhold money, take car away, to report victim to child welfare, to commit suicide, to make him or her drop charges. 

Isolation: monitoring/blocking telephone calls, reading emails or text messages, telling the victim where they can or cannot go and whom they can see. 

Emotional abuse: Persistently putting the victim down in front of others, shouting or calling him or her names, making him or her think he or she’s crazy, playing mind games, not listening or responding when you talk. 

Sexual violence: using force, threats or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts, having sex with you when you don’t want to have sex or making you perform any degrading treatment based on your sexual orientation.

Physical violence: punching, slapping, hitting, biting, pinching, kicking, pulling hair out, pushing, shoving, burning.

 

If you suspect someone you know might be involved in an abusive relationship look out for the following signs:

 

- The victim appears afraid, anxious to please their partner and avoid conflict 
- They receive frequent, harassing calls from their partner 
- They talk about their partner’s temper or possessiveness. 
- Victims have unexplained injuries, which they dismiss as accidents and injuries are in multiple stages of healing.
- Frequently miss work, school or social occasions without explanation. 
- Dress to hide bruises or scars (e.g. scarves, long sleeves) 
- They are rarely seen in public with their partner 
- They visit friends and relatives less and less 
- The victim has very low self-esteem and there is evidence of a change to their personality (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn) 
- They are stressed, anxious or even suicidal 
- They may increase their consumption of alcohol as a way of escaping reality  

 

Why Does the Victim Stay?

Financial reasons: Victims may have been threatened by the batterer not to access money, maintain a job or the details of bank accounts may be kept hidden from the victim.

No social support network: The batterer may have restricted the victim’s contact with friends and relatives. Such isolation makes it more difficult for the victim to get help.

The fear of physical violence: The threat of severe physical violence by the batterer may be preventing the victim from seeking help. The victim feels in a constant state of fear and may fear their life is at risk if they attempt to escape.

Self-blame: It is not uncommon for victims to believe that the abuse is a result of their real or imagined offenses.

 
 
 
 

Dating & Domestics Violence

Abuse can occur at any age and in any type of relationship. The following are signs of dating abuse:

- Your partner constantly puts down your friends and family and complains that you spend too much time with them.
- They constantly text you to see where you are and who you are with 
- They are bad tempered and the victim is afraid to disagree with them 
- They are jealous, suspicious and accuse the victim of cheating constantly Victim is afraid to break up relationship because abuser has threatened to harm themselves or the victim   

 

This behavior can culminate in the victim feeling that the abuse is their fault and they are to blame. Always remember the abuser is responsible for the abuse and no one else.