Was I Raped / Sexually Assaulted?

Rape 

Rape is penetration (however slight) of the mouth, anus or vagina with an object or the penis without consent. Not only woman can be the victim of a rape – a man can also be raped. Likewise, a woman or a man can commit a rape.

Sexual assault is unwanted sexual contact that stops short of rape or attempted rape. Examples include

Being made to look at pornography.



Being touched in a sexual way. This can involve touching of breasts or genital areas.



Being verbally assaulted, with inappropriate comments of a sexual nature. Sexual Assault is an act of physical, psychological and emotional violation, in the form of a sexual act, which is inflicted on someone without consent. It can involve forcing or manipulating someone to participate in any sexual acts without their consent. So if a person knowingly touches another in a sexual manner, knowing that the victim is not consenting (or lacks the ability to consent) then a sexual assault has occurred. 

Issue of Consent

• Are the participants old enough to consent? The “age of consent” is the minimum age someone must be to have sex. People below this age are considered children and cannot legally agree to have sex. In other words, even if the child or teenager says yes, the law says no. 
• The age of consent is 17 years for both heterosexual and homosexual intercourse. 
• Sexual acts with anyone under the age of consent are illegal (except for 15-17 year old girls, who will not be criminalized for engaging in sexual intercourse). These are sexual intercourse, buggery, and aggravated sexual assault and “section 4” rape. 
• The presence of consent is not a defence, however, the defendant can argue an honestly held belief that the child was over the age of consent. 
• Do both people have the capacity to consent? The law also defines who has the mental and legal capacity to consent. Those with diminished capacity — for example, some people with disabilities, some elderly people and people who have been drugged or are unconscious — may not have the legal ability to agree to have sex. 
• Did both participants agree to take part? Did someone use physical force to make you have sexual contact with him/her? Has someone threatened you to make you have intercourse with them? If so, it is rape. 
• It doesn’t matter if you think your partner means yes, or if you’ve already started having sex — “No” also means “Stop.” If you proceed despite your partner’s expressed instruction to stop, you have not only violated basic codes of morality and decency, you may have also committed a crime.

Common Questions

I didn’t resist physically – does that mean it isn’t rape?
People respond to an assault in different ways. Just because you didn’t resist physically doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape — in fact, many victims make the good judgment that physical resistance would cause the attacker to become more violent. Lack of consent can be express (saying “no”) or it can be implied from the circumstances (for example, if you were under the statutory age of consent, or if you had a mental defect, or if you were afraid to object because the perpetrator threatened you with serious physical injury).

I used to date the person who assaulted me – does that mean it isn’t rape?
Rape can occur when the offender and the victim have a pre-existing relationship (sometimes called “date rape” or “acquaintance rape”), or even when the offender is the victim’s spouse. It does not matter whether the other person is an ex-boyfriend or a complete stranger, and it doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex in the past. If it is nonconsensual this time, it is rape.

I don’t remember the assault – does that mean it isn’t rape?
Just because you don’t remember being assaulted doesn’t necessarily mean it didn’t happen and that it wasn’t rape. Memory loss can result from the ingestion of GHB and other “rape drugs” and from excessive alcohol consumption. That said, without clear memories or physical evidence, it may not be possible to pursue prosecution (talk to your local crisis center or local Gardai for guidance).

I was asleep or unconscious when it happened – does that mean it isn’t rape?
Rape can happen when the victim was unconscious or asleep. If you were asleep or unconscious, then you didn’t give consent. And if you didn’t give consent, then it is rape.

I was drunk or he was drunk – does that mean it isn’t rape?
Alcohol and drugs are not an excuse – or an alibi. The key question is still: did you consent or not? Regardless of whether you were drunk or sober, if the sex is nonconsensual, it is rape. (If you were so drunk or drugged that you passed out and were unable to consent, it was rape. Both people must be conscious and willing participants.)

I thought “no,” but didn’t say it. Is it still rape?
It depends on the circumstances. If you didn’t say no because you were legitimately scared for your life or safety, then it may be rape. Sometimes it isn’t safe to resist, physically or verbally — for example, when someone has a knife or gun to your head, or threatens you or your family if you say anything.

If you’ve been raped or sexually assaulted, or even if you aren’t sure, contact Rape Crisis Midwest Freephone on 1800 311511 or email at info@rapecrisis.ie. Free confidential services for survivors of rape, sexual violence and abuse.